Need to get this out so I can forget it and rememb
IsolatedToday, when I was riding the bus home, listening to Endless Rain on my iPod, I went through a rapid kind of series of moodswings.
Those who know me that I hate it when people dwell on greif and sadness. This is a particularly touchy subject when it comes to famous people, such as Kami and hide. I used to be absolutely pathetic about Kami, and when I changed that about myself I think I got a lot happier. Now, hide was a rather unfamiliar topic to me. I learned about him after I changed my views on grieving, so I always casually dismissed those who still seem totally devastated about losing him.
Back on topic - Endless Rain was the second X JAPAN song I ever heard, and I've always associated it closely with hide. Even though the song sounds distinctly blue in color, I think it fits hide's pink personality well. So, while I was listening to it, the thought drifted into my head that I would love to meet hide someday.
Despite the impression I give, I'm not slow, so I almost instantly scolded myself mentally for forgetting. And despite everything that I say, I felt a wave of sadness come over, like that sinking feeling one gets in his heart. It sucked so bad...I felt like I was going to cry on the bus.
Of course, in typical Aoi fashion, my mood jumped to a state of total hope and glee. I noticed that I HAVE met hide. In every chord that he ever played that has reached my ears, I met him - through his music, I have come to know his heart. As cheesy as it sounds, it's so true. It's true for anyone and everyone, as long as they will it to be.
So what was the point of this little loop of emotions and the significant of me sharing it? I hope that it'll make someone, anyone, feel a bit less sad about hide, and about anyone who has passed.
Lyrics of the moment
"No matter how much I want
That figure rising up inside of reality
I can't go back
...
Inside of my heart, only your vanished memory can't be found
Collecting all of your fragments, where should I go?
"
seven (c) Gackt
On a completely unrelated note, my lanuage arts teacher looked uncannnily like Chachamaru today...
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